In today's music scene, many bands try to find something that has never been done before because they are afraid of sounding similar to other bands (obviously this doesnt apply to emo). Dont get me wrong, I think its great. I would rather hear some avant-garde/metal/folk band than another Fallout Boy clone, but some of these bands dont get it. Different is not always better. A few bands have decided that the perfect band is comprised of a drummer, bassist, vocalist, guitarst, and a BAGPIPER (or bagpipist, whateverthefuck). In music, there is a term called "cacophony". If you dont know it, look it up. Whoever decided that a powerful, challenging guitar riff paired with a relentless bass drum attack is best harmonized with William fucking Wallace on bagpipes should be castrated, and have his dismembered member (thats fucking brilliant, by the way) lodged into his esophagus. Blow that, bitch. Last time I checked Edward Longshanks was dead, so lose the pipes (way to lose that war too).

The bagpipe is not the only defunct instrument that is attempting a comeback. The sitar, best known from the intro to Metallica's Wherever I May Roam and millions of shitty Indian folk songs has also made a few appearances in the past few years. A sitar is a stringed instrument like a guitar. The name sitar also closely resembles guitar, just with an S (which presumably stands for shitty). It produces a twangy, emotionless sound that will typically cause the listeners ears to bleed, shrivel, and fall from the body. The Surgeon General recommends that you stay at least 100 feet away from a sitar at all times. And that dude knows his shit.

Xylophone. Who would have thought that one of the most stupid looking words in the English language would be an even shittier instrument. For those of you who dont know what a xylophone is (and I envy you), they are made of a bunch of bars in varying sizes that are struck with a mallet to create a sound. It's kind of like a big musical game of Whac-A-Mole, except you want to "whac" your bleeding head more and more until the "music" stops. If the xylophone were a car, it would be a Yugo. If it were a medical condition, it would be an aneurysm. If it were a chapter in my life, it would be jail. Please, for the sake of everyone in the world, if you ever see a xylophone player, convince them to stop. Then fuck-start their face, even if they tell you they will stop. They need to atone for their sins anyway.